....in a rut?

It's 1:36 am and I am unable to sleep. I NEVER have a hard time falling asleep. What's going on with me?

I am set to leave for California on October 15th, to spend 3 months doing My Fair Lady at The Western Stage. I am looking forward to playing Freddy, as I feel it's a very fitting role for me, not to mention that I'll be singing one of the greatest musical theatre songs ever written! It will also be wonderful to be at home for the holidays this year since I haven't been for the past two. I do, however have my concerns. 

I don't want to get sucked back in to Salinas life. I came to New York for a reason and I'd hate for this adventure to make me want to move home. It's the whole little fish/big pond, big fish/little pond thing. I LOVE the attention of being the big fish in a little pond, but I don't think that it would satisfy me for very long. Also, it's the whole relationship situation. Being an actor can be very stressful for relationships and the being across the country for three months is going to be particularly stressful. Can we endure? I mean, it has been nearly two years that we've been together, but this will be the longest we've been apart in that time. Before that, it was only a month, and that was hard enough!

I'm watching a lot of people book tours and stuff around me. With Bridie and Erin embarking on the Grease tour, Bobby heading out on The Wizard of Oz, Tim currently in Altar Boyz, and maybe Chad getting Chicago. While it's very motivating, it also makes me feel like I'm  not accomplishing anything. I don't know if going to do My Fair Lady is being productive in the right way. I know I definitely need to be onstage, but am I taking a step back just to fulfill that necessity? I am very worried that I will be missing out on other opportunities here in NYC but I've already accepted and signed so I pretty much have no choice. I just need to think positively about it and try to get myself set up for afterward. I am so sick of waiting tables, it's not even funny. I would love to line something up so that once My Fair Lady is over, I can head out and do something else. This "In The Mood" tour seems to be very promising but I don't know if they'll take me for just the Spring leg of it. Here's hoping...